Most couples set up rules for themselves so that each partner understands what is and is not acceptable. This is an excellent idea, especially for beginning couples to safeguard against hurting someone's feelings. Rules can be anything from no oral, to no pain. Whatever each partner is comfortable (or uncomfortable) with. Rules should be explained to any couple that you plan to be with, they need to know what is expected. Don't be afraid to change your rules as you experience the lifestyle more and more. Most couples start out with a few rules, and then they change and change again.
Hubby - Rules in the lifestyle are fluid and evolving, mostly
because you can’t predict what may you may encounter during your
escapades. So you have to be prepared
for the predictable, and how you’re going to deal with the unforeseen.
I’ll start with a couple of our down and dirty, no shit,
don’t cross that line rules. 1 –
Protection is nonnegotiable. No swim
cap, no getting’ in the pool – plain and simple. And 2 – We don’t play alone. If one is out of town, just pretend we’re
both unavailable – because we are. Rules
like these are the lines in the sand that represent the baseline for protecting
each other and the relationship. Sure,
you may not feel the need for such fundamental limits. The lifestyle is not the same for each couple
(or individual for that matter) that chooses to open the door to their world a
crack wider than others. As a result,
the rules will be very subjective from an external perspective – but VERY
objective for the life partners living with the rules they agree upon.
We also have some rules that have arisen from experiences in
the lifestyle – both positive and negative, as well as our personal development
through life’s journey individually and as a couple. One rule that we have come to employ is that
kids in the area means “vanilla only.”
No lifestyle play “to protect the innocent,” so to speak. Another example would be that if it hasn’t
been discussed, it’s a no-go until the couple has time ALONE to talk about the
unforeseen question and agree upon a common response. In this flexible rules area you may include
rules with the partner couple – rules specific to interaction between the whole
group, not just the committed couple.
Seating at restaurants or riding in each others’ cars for example. Those situations may not matter to either
couple, but comfort and discretion are evolving elements of the lifestyle.
Here are two NO SHIT rules that I think applies, regardless
of who you are or how long you’ve been in the lifestyle :
·
My spouse is MY spouse, not yours. Do not attempt to exert influence that
crosses the line between married couple and play partners. The committed relationship is first and
foremost.
·
You hurt my spouse, physically, emotionally or
mentally, and we’re through with you.
This is not a permanent arrangement – there are conditions. Remember that.
Rules are created and implemented for a variety of reasons –
most importantly that inviolate preservation of the committed relationship as
the most important and sacred. Adherence to the agreed upon rules helps maintain
the trust between the spouses or committed partners that makes lifestyle
involvement possible.
Wifey - I have been more of the rule follower than the rule maker...well.....I have to admit I like to push the limits & tap dance around the line.....let me tell you it has gotten me into trouble more than once. I really do try to follow all the rules we have set up....
Our rules have been modified over the years due to experiences we ahve had. The first few years we had lots of rules....looking back all those does & don't kinda took the fun out of it. So after several long conversations & many years we have come to a very doable agreement.
Big rules - No condom - No Sex! No PDA! No Drama!
There is one thing you should never forget as you enter this lifestyle and grow
with your partner. Your spouse is your lifemate, your new friends are playmates.
You have decided to build & spend your life with your spouse. Your playmates
are for you to enjoy & play with. You should never try to get between your
playmates, and you should never ever let your playmates get between you and your
lifemate. Regarding your newfound friends as playmates, highlights the fun
recreational activity that swinging is.
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